Sunday

Shall We Elope?

Our preparation for marriage, many years ago, took only from midnight ’til noon the next day. (Digest version.)

After taking Sugar home from a Grange dance...
Sugar: “Don’t walk me to the house tonight, the folks may hear us.”
Me: “OK.”
Both: “Smack, smack.” The next 21 seconds, silence.
Then Sugar: “Gee, I’m locked out!”
Then me: “Golly!”
Sugar: “What am I going to do?”
Me: “Well, let's go over to my house and think things over for a spell.”

Later, entering my pad...
Sugar: “Now what?”
Me: “Shall we elope?”
Sugar: “I don’t care, I love you.”
Me, (thinking to myself): "This is scary. Suppose Sugar turns out not to be a Sugar?"
Sugar, (also thinking to herself): "How do I know he isn’t full of more things than just peanuts?"
Me: “Do you know anything about sex?”
Sugar: “A little, sometimes the conductor throws off a True Story Magazine, when the train goes by the house.”
Me: "I have an out-dated sex book, but it’s kinda for the birds.”

Next day at Coeur d’Alene, a brother and sister standing on the sidewalk next to a marriage mill...
Brother speaking: “Hi! We can be your witness for 50 cents apiece.”
Me: “OK.”
Brother speaking: “We will take you to Uncle Barton.”

Entering a small room...
Me: “I wonder if that wobbly old guy over in the corner will be the one that will marry us?”
Sugar: “Not so loud, he may hear you.”
Wobbly Old Guy: “I’ll be there in a minute. Have your license ready because I close at noon on Saturdays.”

Uncle Barton went through the marriage vows so fast I had to be told that I owed him $2.50.

"Weddings" Kik-Backs, p.4

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